Reframing the Narrative Around Birth and Trauma

There is a common misconception that birth is always beautiful, natural, and that everything is fine as long as both mother and baby survive. While safety is undeniably the top priority, I believe this perspective is incomplete. Birth can be messy, overwhelming, and at times, deeply frightening. And while surviving birth should never be taken for granted, it shouldn't be the only measure of a successful or “positive” birth experience.

It’s heartbreaking when a mother’s only goal is simply to survive her birth experience. Too often, families walk away from childbirth carrying invisible wounds—emotional trauma that may go unrecognized or unspoken. Many of us know someone who has lived through this, and some of us may have experienced it firsthand.

Trauma is not black and white. It’s not always proportional to how “easy” or “difficult” the birth appeared from the outside. A seemingly smooth delivery can still leave emotional scars, while a complicated one doesn’t always result in trauma. Through my own births, listening to the stories of others, and being present during births as a support person, I’ve come to understand a few important truths.

1. Trauma is not dependent on your birth plan. Whether you choose a medicated or unmedicated birth, whether you want all the pain relief or none at all, trauma can still occur. It's not about the method—it’s about how the experience makes you feel, how supported you are, and how informed and empowered you feel throughout the process.

2. Preparation can help, but it doesn’t guarantee control.Childbirth education, self-study, support from a doula, and open conversations with trusted individuals can help set expectations and reduce fear. Understanding both the natural process of birth and the medical interventions that may arise can greatly improve your ability to process and respond to what happens in the moment.

3. Being heard and respected matters.Having a provider who truly listens to your concerns, explains procedures clearly, and supports your choices can make a world of difference. Emotional support during birth is just as critical as physical care. A strong, compassionate support team can help you feel seen, safe, and understood—even when things don’t go according to plan.

4. Informed consent is essential.You deserve to be a participant in your own care. That means receiving comprehensive, unbiased information about your options, including your provider’s recommendation, alternatives, and the pros and cons of each. Once you’ve made your choice, it should be respected—because it's your body, your family, and your future.

5. Learning to pivot can be difficult, but it's often necessary.For some, going with the flow comes naturally. For others, especially those who feel most comfortable in control, unexpected changes during birth can be deeply unsettling. Even if you’ve had multiple births before, a drastically different experience can shake your sense of stability. This disorientation is valid and worth acknowledging.

6. You deserve to feel supported, not alone.And I don’t just mean physically. You can be in a room full of people and still feel isolated. Choosing your birth team carefully is crucial. The people in the room should be your advocates—people who can be strong when you feel weak, who prioritize your care, and who make you feel safe and loved.

At the end of the day, we are all unique individuals with different personalities, thresholds, and emotional responses. We process birth—and any associated trauma—differently. My hope in sharing this is to spark awareness and offer guidance. Perhaps these insights can help someone prepare for birth in a way that reduces trauma, or support a loved one through their healing.

Ultimately, change is needed in the way the medical system approaches birth. Yes, medical intervention is sometimes necessary and lifesaving. But alongside that, we need support, compassion, respect—and providers who act as lifeguards, ready to step in when things get critical, but who otherwise allow us to ride the waves of birth with confidence and dignity.